Lessons of Labor:
What I Learned About Myself By Giving Birth
By Melinda Delisle-Clark, AAHCC
(Published in Aquarius)
We, as women, are designed to give birth. The process of giving birth, however, is also designed to help us find the strength we need to be good mothers and to deal with all the hardships of life. This happens best when labor and birth are allowed to progress normally, without interference from drugs, synthetic hormones, or surgery. Here are some of the lessons I learned by giving birth naturally to my two sons.
Why would anyone give birth naturally anyway? Isn’t it easier just to take the drugs? Well, from what I’ve heard, medicated birth is not usually painless, but often is quite painful – sometimes for months or years afterwards. Natural, unmedicated birth lets a woman work with her body and fully experience the joy (and I do mean JOY) of bringing a new life into this world. I also believe it is the right thing to do for the baby’s health. Neonatal nurses have known for years that babies born to unmedicated mothers are more responsive, have healthier skin coloring, are more alert, and generally are in better health than babies born to mothers who were given labor drugs. If there’s a problem, by all means get medical help. In that situation, intervention is the best thing for mother and baby, and that’s what obstetricians are there for! Does that mean that natural birth is painless? Well, I certainly wouldn’t say that! But the discomfort caused by a normal, natural birth is not more that the mother can handle. This is an important spiritual lesson: Doing what is best is more important than doing what is comfortable.
Like life, labor is incessant and increases in intensity until it is over. When I tried to deal with labor as a whole, I became overwhelmed and discouraged. When, at the prompting of my coach, I focused only on the current contraction, it was much easier to deal with its intensity. Through this experience, I learned that by being present in the moment anything is doable. It was only when my mind started adding the past and future to what was already happening that I got disheartened. The lesson here: Be here now – it’s only the buildup of past, present, and future that is stressful.
Dealing with one contraction at a time was fine. Even if I lost sight of the moment, as long as I remained focused only on a single contraction, I knew I would be fine. After all, the related lesson is: You can do anything for 1 ½ minutes.
The method of natural childbirth I used to give birth to my children uses relaxation as a key skill. I had learned how to relax effectively, with the help of my coach, which made labor almost comfortable at times. But occasionally I would tense up in response to something. Then boy, did it hurt! Once my coach had helped me achieve deep relaxation again, I was fine. This lesson, which is just as applicable to everyday life as to labor, was clear: Relax! It makes everything easier. (and the closely related lesson: the more you struggle, the harder it is!)
I’m sure you’ve noticed the many references to my coach throughout this article. I believe there is a reason parents come in pairs, and that we should work together. I was certainly glad that my husband-coach, Shawn, was dedicated to working with me through labor. Could I have given birth naturally without his help? Possibly, but I wouldn’t want to try! Having him there with me the whole time made labor easier, more comfortable, and provided us with an incredible bonding experience. Since that time, we’ve also discovered that working in tandem makes raising children much easier! I definitely learned: Sometimes you need to rely on your partner in life.
At the end of first stage labor, as the mother’s body is preparing to push, is a time called transition. Transition is a crazy time when mom feels emotionally volatile and vulnerable at the same time. (This is the part of labor they most often portray on TV.) During this time, having someone on which you can rely and whom you trust is extremely important (see the above lesson). There is also another lesson that comes out of transition, however. I remember while I was in transition with my first son the midwife checked to see if I was ready to push. She announced that I was “only 3 centimeters dilated.” I was crushed! I concluded that I had at least as long to go in labor as I had already come and didn’t think I could handle it at the current intensity. I promptly “gave up.” Little did I know that I had merely been experiencing a Natural Alignment Plateau – a common feature of labor in which dilation seems to stall, then rapidly progresses later after mother is emotionally ready. The interesting fact is that even though not all laboring women experience a Natural Alignment Plateau, all surrender during transition. There comes a time when every laboring woman says, “I can’t do this anymore.” Only then can the soon-to-be mother move on to pushing. It is only by acknowledging that she can’t do it alone that a woman is ready to take her place as the nurturer of another human being. The lessons here are: Only after surrender does the reward come and Everyone needs help (from God) to do what we need to do.
What motivates parents to go through all the hardships to do what is right for their children? Love. Blind, unconditional, fully accepting Love. I believe that God (or whatever higher being you believe in) created this loving response in parents towards our children to teach us what Love is. It is hard to Love everyone the way we should unless we have learned what Love really is, either through having children or some other experience. Love is the ultimate motivator and the only true reason for living. The other lessons in this article help with everyday life and the business of being human, but if we truly understand the lesson of Love, we don’t need all the others. Some may think that the process of giving birth is a strange place to learn such profound lessons, but it seems to have been made that way. What better time to learn these lessons than at the beginning of a new life who we will need to Love?
Melinda Delisle-Clark, AAHCC is a certified natural childbirth educator. She teaches Bradley Methodâ classes in Atlanta and Marietta, Georgia. She is also available to give healthy pregnancy lectures for your organization. To contact Melinda or request a healthy pregnancy information kit, please visit www.birthofafamily.com or call 770-794-6861. For a complete list of Bradleyâ Instructors, please contact: National Headquarters, Box 5224, Sherman Oaks, CA 91413-5224 (800) 4-A-BIRTH, www.bradleybirth.com.
©2001 Melinda
Delisle-Clark
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